The second I opened my mouth to say I would return to the classroom next year…I regretted it.
A little piece of my heart broke.
It is an unfair decision to have to make. But, as we all know life is not fair, and as far as unfairness goes…I have been pretty lucky.
In making my decision, everyone had an opinion and every opinion I took seriously. They kept me up at night, stirring up inner dialogues between a Congress of voices (forget the simple angel/devil dichotomy). The real issue, which a friend of mine put so simply yet perfectly, is that I love being with the kids, but I also love to teach.
On Tuesday, I cried, mourning the solid education that so many are denied. On Tuesday night, I wrote about social responsibility. On Wednesday I went to the school I have worked in for the past 5 years and told them that I would be back in the classroom in September. On Thursday, it was nearly 80 degrees, and we were outside all day.
On Thursday, I felt the weight of my decision. Already the boys seemed so far away from me.
Every little thing they did felt urgent. Even the warmth of the sun on my skin, took on a foreboding quality.
Then I downloaded the photos from the past couple of days and breathed a sigh of relief. We are a family in this together. I am not alone. Help is all around me.
At least I know that on the hardest of days, I can turn to my boys for the support I need….and they can depend on each other too.
Folding clothes
Now I just have to focus on the 5 months left to fill my heart and theirs with enough small moments to carry us all through the school year.
ucanpreschool 
Paige,
If anyone is able to balance the life of a mother and teacher it will be you. I know you feel that you are missing something at home, or missing something at school, but the truth is. . . .you do (and will) excel at both journeys in your life. Your students will flourish and so will your boys. Remember it is the quality of the moments we share, not necessarily the quantity. May you enjoy each precious moment, and give yourself the permission not to have to be “perfect” but rather “Paige”. I’d take Paige over perfect anyday!
Once again, well said. I think you are right on many counts. I will continue to grow and learn just as I did this year…and so will the boys. I need to have more faith. 🙂